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Perseid Meteor Shower

You used me. I just don't know what for.

All of a sudden you were there, you weren't even planned.

"Let's go to the party tonight, there's one from the festival, she's cute."

You have bright blue eyes. I buy you a beer, damn I'm cool. I'm so nervous I make myself look a year older. Our first kiss outside in the back of the truck. We get into your car, you've been drinking, I care, I get in anyway. At home we have a Fisherman's for bad breath, until then we play Street Fighter on my Nintendo. Can't make this stuff up. First time having sex. I can't even tell you what it was like. I give you my number, you send a gif in response.

You live five minutes away. Be with me once. New record for my Walk of Shame stats. You introduce me to your friends, we sit on your balcony and talk about places we want to go. We go to the movies, you cook for me. You go on holiday, send me surfer pictures of you, your bruises. I'm starting to miss you. You're there sleeping with someone else. Don't want a relationship. I'm staying anyway. Maybe, I think.

I invite you to my birthday, you don't accept, don't cancel, don't show up in the end. All I wanted was for my friends to meet you. Then Perseid night. Shooting stars. Romantic idea. You'll be fired the same day. I don't know what you need. You don't want to talk about it, and you talk about it all the time. You kiss me, okay, you need a distraction, I'll give it to you. I'll give you a hug. Can I give you something else? "Can you please just go?"

That night I wished there was paracetamol for the soul. I was good enough for the hole, not as a person. We meet at the Irish Pub, the site of our second date. You say you're sorry. Tell me about your dad's birthday. "I'd like you to come, too." I'm staying. Maybe, I think. A month later, back at the Irish pub. Wanted to meet in a public place, I dress up for the end.

"The spark didn't work."

"I felt I had to decide now how this was going to go."

"There's no one else, I want you to know that."

"I'm really sorry."

We weren't together, after all, never put that stamp on it. Smart. You could sleep with me, but you couldn't love me. I've been there.

Not together, but still apart, with two fruit teas between us. But there's nothing to stop us being friends. Classic. Spoilers: We won't stay friends. Not too active on social media. You don't even give me that satisfaction.

You live five minutes away from me. Passing your roommate's window every day. Every day the idea of running into you purely by chance. I don't even see you. Wrong, once from behind, with someone else. For the first time I understand the saying: Turn on your heel.

You used me. I just don't know what for. Suddenly you were there, you weren't planned and you stay. Every now and then in my head and stomach. I wonder if you ever think of me... just go.


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