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Tinder

Hey heartbreaker.


Dancing, sushi, theatre, wine, music.

I like Converse better than high heels, dogs better than cats and honesty better than small talk. I dance in the rain and sometimes disappear completely under my duvet. I like fortune biscuits even though they never come true and music with good lyrics.


Left, left, left, beard and man bun, left, left, left, left, those eyes, left, left, left, left, left, left, left, left, left. Dog. Devran, Andre, Jan, Flo, Marco, Dex. You have a match.


Dennis.

I'm undecided what I found more convincing: Your eyes or the cute dog in your profile picture.

"The dog in the picture isn't even mine, but I thought it would get me more likes."

Too bad.


Marco.

"Hey. damn I like lemonade. I like to do sports, listen to a lot of music on black discs. Falling in love would be nice. Arriving too. I think killing animals is stupid. 172 unphotogenic centimetres."

Wow, he sounds great! Did you match with him?

Nope.


Dex.

"You'll never just get a mindless naked picture from me. It has to fit the situation and both have to feel like it. I want it to be something nice, not just, "Okay, a dick."


A work colleague.

Damn, a good-looking work colleague. Should I ... Nah. Not a good idea. Or - oh, come on, fuck it.

"Haha, funny. What time are we rehearsing again today?"


"Hi, what do you do?"

I work in the theatre.

"Cool, I used to really like the circus when I was a kid."


"Hi, what do you do?"

I work in the theatre.

"When would you have time to meet?"

Unfortunately, I rehearse mostly in the mornings and from 6 to 10 pm. And I have shows on weekends.

"You can say if you're not interested."


"Hi, what do you do?"

I work in the theatre.

"What I'm wondering is, why doesn't a theatre work online? Sure, it's not the same, but most people enjoy football from the sofa too?"


Tinder during a pandemic is like ... going for a walk. If you liked him, you walked the long route, if not, the short one.


Markus.

Hey sorry if this comes a bit out of nowhere, but I think there is no spark between us. I can imagine a friendship between us, but nothing more. Don't be angry, I just want to be honest.


"For me, it's probably best if we don't see each other anymore, you're a great person, but probably too great for me, somehow couldn't behave differently towards you."


"Like I said, I like you too much and too much has happened already. I still wish you the best of luck in your search. Bye bye."


All right, I think it's a shame, of course, but I can absolutely understand and sympathise. Take care!


"Yes, I think it's a pity too, but you'll probably find someone nice."

I would have wished it differently, but I'm a super strong emotional person and that just wouldn't be good. I wish you all the best, you're a wonderful person and please stay that way."


Ditto.

...

"Peace smiley."

...

"Ok, would have preferred to talk about all this again in person too, I don't like Whatsapp. It's always so weird."

...

"Don't get tired at all."

...

"Maybe we'll meet again for a little walk and then we'll chat and say goodbye."

...

"I have an idea: you come to me, we go for a walk. Afterwards we'll go shopping quickly, then we'll have Jamie Oliver spaghetti veggies and you get to choose a dessert."

...

I thought you didn't want to be friends?

...

"I think it was just a stupid day. At the end of the day, I would have found it stupid if I had just said that we wouldn't see each other anymore, because I just find you to be a super positive person, so what I've been able to perceive so far."

...

"You're a fresh person."

...

"Hi, is Friday working out?"

...

"Hey, how's it going?"

...

"Yoo-hoo, how was your day?"

...

Hey, I'm not feeling too well, maybe we can do it tomorrow...

...

"I've got a hot-water bottle in case of need. Smiley. You don't have to do anything. Smiley. You can let me cook for you. Smiley."

...

"Too bad, I was just preparing the kitchen."

...

"Well, that's that then. What if I bring the kitchen to you? Well, ok, it won't do any good."

...

"Is there an alternative option for today? I'm totally clueless now. Smiley.

"A visit to the sick would be fine."

...

So you ghosted him because he was too nice?

Yes.

After a bunch of guys ghosted you because they just wanted sex?

Yes.

What are you looking for?

I don't know, man.


SHIT.

Someone from Cologne. From COLOGNE.

Shit.

I played through the Osnabrück Tinder.


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